Okay let me start by saying this is not suppose to be a morbid post. Whenever I bring this topic up people get upset, that is not my intention at all. When I was on death door step I did a lot of thinking. I tell people that they may understand that they are mortal but until you are truly faced with death you cannot truly comprehend it. I comprehended it and I was at peace. Prior to being deathly ill I was terrified of dying. Now, being farther away from death doorstep, I am again terrified by death. However, there was a time when i was at peace and felt very calm about my mortality.
The one thing that gave me anxiety, stress and fear was the effect my death would have on those I loved. Before this experience I would sometimes wonder if people would be sad if I died, would they cry, how many people would show up at my funeral.
This is a thought that I think many people have had at one point in their lives. When I was told I had an 80% chance of not living I thought about my funeral in a very different way. Would I destroy my loved ones lives, would they cry every time they thought of me, would my friend and family have trouble sleeping, cry a lot, become depressed, have trouble at work & in their relationships? These thoughts scared me more than death. I wanted people to smile when they remembered me, laugh at the fun things we use to do together, excel at work because they would think of my determination. But, I knew that was unlikely.
So, I picked Last Tears as the song I would want played at my funeral if I was to die. I wanted everyone to know that I was okay with my death, that I was strong and they needed to be as well. Something about this song really represented how I felt. The strange this was I LOVE the Indigo Girls but had never heard this song before. To be honest I can't say how I came across it but when I did it was like they wrote the song for me, for this trial in my life!
Please listen and let me know what you think!