The Song I Picked For My Funeral

Okay let me start by saying this is not suppose to be a morbid post. Whenever I bring this topic up people get upset, that is not my intention at all. When I was on death door step I did a lot of thinking. I tell people that they may understand that they are mortal but until you are truly faced with death you cannot truly comprehend it. I comprehended it and I was at peace. Prior to being deathly ill I was terrified of dying. Now, being farther away from death doorstep, I am again terrified by death. However, there was a time when i was at peace and felt very calm about my mortality.

The one thing that gave me anxiety, stress and fear was the effect my death would have on those I loved. Before this experience I would sometimes wonder if people would be sad if I died, would they cry, how many people would show up at my funeral.
This is a thought that I think many people have had at one point in their lives. When I was told I had an 80% chance of not living I thought about my funeral in a very different way. Would I destroy my loved ones lives, would they cry every time they thought of me, would my friend and family have trouble sleeping, cry a lot, become depressed, have trouble at work & in their relationships? These thoughts scared me more than death. I wanted people to smile when they remembered me, laugh at the fun things we use to do together, excel at work because they would think of my determination. But, I knew that was unlikely.

So, I picked Last Tears as the song I would want played at my funeral if I was to die. I wanted everyone to know that I was okay with my death, that I was strong and they needed to be as well. Something about this song really represented how I felt. The strange this was I LOVE the Indigo Girls but had never heard this song before. To be honest I can't say how I came across it but when I did it was like they wrote the song for me, for this trial in my life!

Please listen and let me know what you think!




20 comments:

Preppy 101 said...

That is an awesome song. My husband passed away 13 years ago from cancer. No one can understand that whole journey unless they have lived it. I only know from my perspective, but I admire you and the things you share on your blog. You are an amazing, strong, beautiful young lady!!!

QuirkyLoon said...

Meaghan!

I totally know what you mean about being at peace with death. I felt exactly the same.

I'm sorry to hear that you are terrified of it again.

I never thought of a song for my funeral, but I would talk a lot about a future without me in it. It didn't bother me, but I know it bothered others.

It's funny before my cancer experience, I was one of those woman who could NOT contemplate my husband loving another woman. Now, I tell him, don't be alone, find someone for the boys, just make sure she loves them.

I have a list of women he can't marry, everyone else is open game!

I'm really ok with it...still.

I just appreciate what I've been given and cannot forget just how vulnerable life really is.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and wisdom.

sandra/tx said...

I like that song, too. I don't have cancer, nor have I faced a life-threatening situation, but if I could plan my own funeral, I like Garth Brooks' song, "The Dance."

Obsessedwithlife said...

Cool song! I totally get it. I had a whole binder made up that no one knew about called the If I Die Binder. It had instructions and stuff since I was given weeks to live...thankfully it hasn't been used yet!

Rach

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I don't think it's morbid at all. I wish I could listen to the song, but I have no sound at work...when I get home, I'll stop back by.
Thanks as always for your valuable info!

Lilly's Life said...

I love that song and I think its perfect. I also think its something all of us should decide on and I dont believe its morbid at all. I applud you for sharing your life with everyone and you probably do not een realise how many lives you touch, change and help. Kudos and best regards to you!

Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

I don't think it's morbid.

Great song!

Joni said...

That's a beautiful song. While I was given a very high cure rate, I still went through the "what if I die" thoughts. I understand what you mean about coming to peace with death. I too found something almost comforting in knowing that I was ok with it all. It was my family that I worried about, so I didn't talk about it very much.

Thank you for giving us a place where it's ok to talk about these things.

Kelley with Amy's Angels said...

If it makes you feel better I'm scared of death, too. : )

The song is great. I heart the Indigo Girls.

At least it's better than what my mom wants (she's alive and well, just full of sassy spunk). She wants a bag-piper. And we're not even Scottish.

oº˚ Anissa ˚ºo said...

I always tell my husband we need to write down what we want when we die -- He want do it -- He don't even want to think about it! Love the song.

Hugs,

jahowie said...

It's a very nice song.

I want a song that would make everyone remember that I want them to smile and laugh at my funeral. I chose Man In The Box to be played at my funeral. I wanted to die knowing that I left the world making people smile and laugh one last time.

This is a great post. I'm so glad that you survived and are now inspiring so many others.

Eudea-Mamia said...

I love some Indigo Girls - good Georgia girls there.

Not morbid at all - my ashes are to be spread on my favorite beach. My hubby wants a New Orleans style send off. Life should be celebrated.

Em

Aleta said...

I like the song and I admire your strength. I don't think it was a morbid post, just a thoughtful one.

Don't know what I'd pick for a song. It's something to ponder, and hopefully not have to decide for a long time.

Tiffany T said...

That's beautiful! I think we all have those thoughts.

I'd want "I'll Fly Away" by Allyson Krause.

Khadra said...

I dont think it is morbid. I havent chosen a song, and honestly Id prefer not to have a funeral at all. I want my husband and children to do whatever makes them feel better. My husband however has a song he wants played.

Congratulations on making it through, and while I am not a victim of cancer I am terrified of death so I understand you on that one.

flip flops and pearls said...

((((HUGS))))

I also have a song, Goodbye for now, by Kathy Troccoli.

I pray for your peace & continued good health!

GodSpeed, Daph

Nuke said...

My mom went through cancer herself, three times. She has been cancer free for about two years now. Very sad song actually. I was holding back my tears. I can't help to think how grateful I am to God. Thank you for this blog.

the happy mom said...

I have gone through a similar experience in my life, I had a life-threatening illness that was at first thought to be cancer but was actually something else and I was told I was going to die. That was five years ago and obviously I didn't die but I'm not only cured now but I am SUCH a stronger person because of that experience. As terrifying as it was, I actually feel blessed to have gone through it because it makes me appreciate my life so much more. This is an amazing blog, I'm glad I found it. BTW, I loved the song, great choice.

Lindsay said...

Found you on SITS! I just wanted to say what an amazingly strong woman you are. I love your blog! I really like that song, too! YOU KICKED CANCER'S ASS! How AWESOME is that!!!! :)

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